Welcome to TINI FRIDAY! If you’re new here, my husband makes the best martinis and on Friday nights, we drink ’em! It’s our time to reconnect and RELAX, and at some point during the night I usually secretly record him on a rant about something. It’s always a good time.
Guys, this week I swear. Daddy has been out of town since Monday morning and my week has looked like this:
Get up after 4 hours of sleep (don’t wake the baby), attempt to find clean clothing, bathe, attempt to apply war-paint to get my face to some semblance of a woman, make bottles, let dog out, load up the car, wake up the toddler, listen to toddler yell about needing Daddy, wrestle toddler into clothes/brush hair/brush teeth, put on Mickey Mouse, get her milk (stir in Miralax), get her cereal (“no not THAT cereal”), make coffee, let the dog in, wake the baby up, change baby, feed baby, argue with toddler about whether or not it’s time to leave, pray toddler will walk to the car on her own, clean spit up off of shirt, wait 35 hours while toddler climbs into her carseat because she has to do it “by myself”, buckle in toddler, buckle in baby, put dog in crate, put coffee and self in car, listen to Little Mermaid for 90,000th time and remember not to sing because toddler apparently hates the sound of my voice.
Arrive at school. Pray toddler stays “touching the tire” and doesn’t wander around in the parking lot while unloading the baby, put on toddler’s backpack because she won’t carry it herself, strap bottle bag to arm, pick up baby (wipe spit up), carry baby and two bags (and any other misc supplies) through parking lot and into building, argue with toddler the entire way about why you can’t carry her too, allow teachers to wrestle screaming toddler out of arms, drop baby and bottles in infant room. Run to car, wipe spit up again, meditate through traffic.
Get ass kicked at work.
Reverse order of everything that happened in the morning, only add toddler’s list of demands of bed time requirements. Typical inclusions are “I need to sleep with Pluto, Mickey, Minnie, the little one (puppy), my zoom zoom, Gidget, my strawberry (plastic), and my phones (three. three plastic phones.)
And I repeated that process for five days on my own.
Yesterday I also witnessed a new teacher at my daugher’s school mistreating six of the two-year-olds in her class as I was dropping Lila off. This resulted in my obvious outrage, and the subsequent firing of that employee.
Today, within ten minutes of me walking in the door at work, I had an irate homeowner telling me how incompetent our tile installers are and that she is going to sue us (over a shower seat).
Then, I had to take Lila to the doctor, because now she and I both have strep.
After that I got lambasted for 45 minutes by the alterations lady for my general inability to order the proper size bridesmaid’s dress (I was pregnant when it had to be ordered) and my gross misunderstanding of the alterations process.
I have one hour left in my day. Daddy is home tonight. IT’S TINI FRIDAY (the 13th!) PEOPLE. Somebody get ready to hold my hair.
Here is a brief snippette of ‘tini night last Friday when we had two surprise visitors join us and we got to school them in the ways of ‘tini night, including jazz, Lane’s granite hands, and bleu cheese stuffed olives. It was a fun night. And I have no idea what these boys were talking about. And Lane didn’t know I was recording him YET AGAIN.